The Random Conversations of Peeta and Haymitch
by AnnoyingEachOtherSince2007
Summary: Peeta and Haymitch discuss the important issues like ponies, America's favorite soft drinks, Pixar films, how to solve age old questions and much, much more. With a guest appearance of in every episode each conversation is random, stupid, and funny. This takes place post Mockingjay. Warning: This is NOT serious but pure humor! Please review!
1. All Because of Some Little Ponies

The Random Conversations of Peeta and Haymitch

Authors Note: So if anyone has an idea for a random conversation send them to me. I can't promise anything but I'll see what I can do. Also there is a guest star in every conversation who will contribute to the random stupidity. Today's guest star is (drum roll please) Gale Hawthorne!

Part I: All Because of Some Little Ponies

Peeta walked into Haymitch's home in victor's village.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Haymitch snapped at him.

"Don't I always say the same thing to you when you come over to my place?" Peeta replied, quite used to this conversation.

"Point taken." Haymitch said.

Peeta plopped himself down on the couch next to Haymitch. Haymitch fumbled with his remote nervously.

"What are watching?" Peeta asked with interest.

"Uh, nothing my remote isn't working." Haymitch said uncormfortably.

"Is that My Little Ponies Friendship is Magic?!" Peeta exclaimed with enthusiasm.

"Yeah" Haymitch said waiting unhappily for Peeta to laugh in his face.

"I love that show!"

"No Way!" Haymitch said looking completely surprised and baffled at Peeta's reaction.

"Way! Isn't Rainbow Dash the most amazing pony in the show. I mean she's spirited, tough, brave, and can fly better than any other pony!" Peeta said with a huge smile.

"Well she's ok, but Pinkie Pie. Now that's what I call an amazing pony." Haymitch replied with equal enthusiasm.

"Your nuts! Pinkie Pie is annoying! Now Rainbow Dash she's amazing and reminds me of Katniss too."

"Peeta, you're way to obsessed with Katniss. So obsessed that you are missing the undeniable truth that Pinkie Pie is the greatest pony in all of Equestria!" Haymitch said with conviction.

"You just like Pinkie Pie because she's just like Effie!"

"No, Thats not true!"

" Is so! Haymitch she's Effie but in the body of a pink pony." Peeta said with a glow of a conquering victor.

"Alright so she is just like Effie, which is another reason why she is the best pony in the whole show." Haymitch said as he glared at Peeta.

Just then Gale walked into the room. Peeta and Haymitch froze. Neither of them dared to speak.

"I can't believe you two!" Gale said with disappointment in his voice. Peeta and Haymitch stared at the ground looking embarrassed and ashamed. There was a long pause. "The best pony in all of Equestria is Princess Celestia!" Gale proclaimed.

"Bronies!" Peeta and Haymitch exclaimed in unison. Everyone exchanged high fives and the conversation continued.

"You're right Gale, Princess Celestia is the greatest!" Haymitch said.

"Of coarse she is! I mean she's got wings, a unicorn horn, and rules all of the ponies!" Gale replied in defense of his favorite pony.

Peeta looked at the ground uncomfortably. "Guys I have a confession to make."

"What, Peeta?" Gale said with interest.

"I-uh-think Princess Luna is more awesome than Princess Celestia." He admitted in a guilty tone.

"Traitor!" Gale and Haymitch screamed.

"I'm not a traitor! I just like Princess Luna more than Princess Celestia! Is that so bad?"

"How could you betray me like this after all I've done for you?!" Haymitch said with disappontemt in his voice.

"He must be dealt with like a traitor." Gale said harshly.

"Let's pelt him with his own bread!" Haymitch yelled. Gale rushed to the bakery and grabbed a basket of Peeta's bread. Both Haymitch and Gale start throwing bread at Peeta, driving him into a corner.

"Stop guys! Stop!" Peeta begged.

"Never!" Gale shouted.

"Bread, why have you betrayed me!" Peeta cried in despair.

"You're the traitor, Princess Celestia hater!" Haymitch replied.

"Rainbow Dash! Uh I mean Katniss save me!"

Katniss walked into the room, both Haymitch and Gale dropped the bread that they were holding. The room was completely silent.

"This is all over those stupid ponies! Isn't it?!" She snapped at them unhappily.

"Yes, Rainbow Dash." was Peeta's feeble, weak reply and that was the end of one of the random conversations of Peeta and Haymitch.

Please Review if you want Haymitch and Gale to stop pelting Peeta with his own bread.


	2. And the Chicken Crossed the Road Because

Authors Note: Hey everyone thanks for all of the great ideas and reviews! It really gives me inspiration! So this next topic kinda has to do with food but I'll try to come up with something that's more general. I hope you enjoy the story. Our guest star today is (moment of suspense) from District 7, Johanna Mason!

Part 2: And the Chicken Crossed the Road Because…

Haymitch made his way to over to Peeta's front porch. Peeta was sitting in a lawn chair enjoying a glass of cold milk and some fresh chocolate chip cookies.

"Hey Haymitch, Want a cookie?" Peeta asked as Haymitch took a seat next to him.

"Sure." Haymitch then proceeded to take the entire plate of cookies and started devouring all of them.

"Haymitch! I said do you want _a_ cookie not the whole plate!" Peeta exclaimed.

"You should have been more specific." Haymitch said with a mouthful of cookies.

"Oh whatever." Peeta grumbled.

As they sat there one of Haymitch's geese chased a cricket across the road. Peeta stared at it intently.

"Haymitch, Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Haymitch paused and thought quietly for a few moments. He looked as if he was going to say something extremely intelligent and serious when he answered.

"To get to the bar on the other side."

Peeta, who had just taken a gulp of milk, spit it all over Haymitch laughing.

"Chickens don't drink Haymitch!"

"Well, how do you know?!" Haymitch replied aggravated.

"Because they don't!"

"Well, then you tell me why the chicken crossed the road, smart guy?!"

"Maybe to go see his girlfriend." Peeta replied.

"Maybe he was running away from his girlfriend." Haymitch said sarcastically.

"Hey don't make fun of Katniss!"

"I wasn't."

Both were quiet for a few moments.

"I am going to find out why the chicken crossed the road." Peeta said with resolution.

"What are you going to do go buy a chicken and make it cross the road?"

"Yes, That's exactly what I'm going to do. You coming?" Peeta said excitedly as he got up.

"Where?"

"To get a chicken!" Peeta said impatiently.

"Well I've got nothing better to do."

Two hours later Peeta and Haymitch where staring at a chicken that Peeta had bought from some random hobo. The chicken was sitting there staring at the road. That's Johanna walked over.

"Hey what are you two doing?" She said.

"We're solving an age-old question about chickens." Peeta replied still staring at the bird.

"Well that's easy. Fried chicken tastes better than grilled chicken any day." Johanna said proudly.

"What?" Haymitch said in confusion.

"Which tastes better fried or grilled chicken? The answer is fried, Duh!" She said in sarcastic tone.

"No, No! That's not it at all! We want to know why the chicken crossed the road!" Peeta said frustrated.

"So that's why you two are staring at a chicken like complete idiots, you're crazy!" Johanna said laughing.

"Shh, You might scare it." Peeta said ignoring her criticism.

"You two are nuts! I'm going to see what Brainless is doing." She said with frustration and then stomped off to Katniss's house.

After about an hour Peeta and Haymitch were bored. The chicken wouldn't cross the road for anything. Haymitch yelled at it and threw everything he could think of at it which included dvds, bendy straws, Peeta's bread, goose eggs, empty bottles, Peeta's ukulele, and an old shoe. The bird would just hop out-of-the-way. Peeta bribed it with bread but it still wouldn't move. Finally giving up Haymitch and Peeta went over to Katniss's house to annoy her.

About an hour later Peeta saw the chicken running across the road from the window of Katniss's house.

"Haymitch look!" He yelled excitedly.

They ran outside but the chicken was gone.

"We missed it!" Peeta said in bitter disappointment.

"I guess some mysteries are never solved." Haymitch replied.

It was about time for dinner when Johanna walked out of Katniss's house carrying a platter of fried chicken to the two depressed chicken watchers.

"Hey guys I have the answer to your problem. Proof that fried chicken is the best." She said with a mischievous smile.

"This is good, no it's great!" Haymitch said as he grabbed a wing and took a bite from it. "Johanna, Will you marry me?!" Haymitch said randomly.

"What?!"

"Marry me so you can make me this fried chicken everyday and my life can have meaning again."

"No, Haymitch. No." She said after slapping him.

Peeta stared at the chicken.

"Johanna where did you get this chicken?"

"On the other side of the road. You know it took me awhile to catch it."

"My chicken!" Peeta cried out. "You fried my chicken!"

Haymitch smiled happily. "Peeta she answered the question! She answered why does the chicken cross the road?!"

Peeta looked at Haymitch in complete awe realizing the answer.

"The chicken crossed the road to get away from Johanna Mason."

Please Review or you won't get a piece of Johanna's fried chicken!


	3. Beware of the Jello

Authors Note: Thanks for all of the reviews! Like I said before it always inspires me so I'm really grateful for any feed back. So here is part three and our guest star today is (drum roll please) Mrs. Everdeen!

Part 3: Beware of the Jello

Haymitch walked into Peeta's kitchen and found Peeta staring into his refrigerator with the door wide open. Haymitch walked over to this speticale and stared over Peeta's shoulder.

"Peeta, What the heck are you doing?"

"My instant jello isn't jelloing! It was supposed to take 60 minutes to jello and it's been two hours! Look at it Haymitch! Look at it! IT's not jello! IT's soup! Jello soup!" Peeta exclaimed.

"Are you still mourning that chicken?"

"Yes! Poor Frank he was such a good chicken! I will always miss him!" Peeta said with tears in his eyes.

"Cut it out Peeta." Haymitch didn't like melodrama.

"How can you tell me to cut it out when I'm in the middle of a great crisis!"

"Aw, Did Katniss finally break up with you?" Haymitch said with mock pity.

"NO! We are a very happy couple and our relationship is just fine. It's the jello Haymitch! I can't take it! I need jello and it's been two hours!"

"So you're a baker that can't make jello?"

"No! It's the jello it just refuses to jello! I can't take it! I'm going to eat it as it is." Peeta grabbed the bowl out of the refrigerator and gulped down the brightly colored liquid jello. Haymitch grabbed it out of his hands and slurped down the rest.

"Hey that was my jello soup!"

"Thanks for sharing." Haymitch replied as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

Peeta stared at the empty bowl. A concerned look flashed across his face.

"Haymitch do you think that the jello will finish jelloing inside our stomachs?"

"I never thought of that." Both were silent.

"Haymitch, Don't they say that Santa Claus has a belly like a bowl full of jello? Do you think that by drinking unjelloed jello that that is how he became Santa Claus?"

"That makes sense to me Peeta."

"That means I'm turning into Santa Claus! Ah! I can't be Santa Claus! I can't take the pressure!"

"Well I have nothing to worry about. I could never pull off Santa Claus. I don't like kids or milk."

"You know Haymitch with all that liquor in your stomach and then adding the chemicals from the jello its like you're a living bomb."

"Peeta I'm going to blow up! Ah! I can't die!"

"I can't be Santa Claus! I can't even grow much facial hair as it is, let alone a beard!"

"I can't blow up! Peeta look at the box and see how long we have!"

Peeta looked at the box. He immediately became upset.

"Haymitch it was supposed to take 160 minutes to jello not 60!"

"What?!" Haymitch screamed.

"We have 15 minutes before I turn into Santa Claus and you blow up!"

"Ah!" They screamed in unison.

"I'm to young, gorgeous, and irresistable to die!" Haymitch cried out in agony.

"Haymitch you just described Gale Hawthorne, you're old, and trust me on this one, definitely not gorgeous and irresistable."

"Well at least I'm not turning into Santa, baker who failed at making jello!"

"No! Don't say it! I don't want to be fat!"

"Well I don't want to blow up!

"Let's go to the hospital, Maybe they can save us! We only have TEN minutes!"

The two ran frantically to the only hospital in district 12. Haymitch knocked over an old lady with a walker and then scrambled into the waiting room. Peeta being Peeta helped her up, apologized for his old mentor, and ran in behind Haymitch.

"I'm going to turn into Santa Claus and he's going to explode in five minutes if you don't do something! Peeta said as fast as possible to the nurse, Mrs. Everdeen.

"What?" She asked in confusion.

"We ate unjelloed jello and now he's going to explode and I'm turning into Santa Claus and I don't know how to break it to Katniss that I'll need to move to the North Pole and that she'll have to be Mrs. Claus!

"I see my life flashing before my eyes!" Haymitch exclaimed, "Wow its pathetic!"

"I see my future flashing before my eyes! Elves everywhere and a red suit! Red makes me look fat! Peeta said frantically.

"I never told Effie that I loved her!"

"Boys, calm down." They ignored Mrs. Everdeen and continued their illogical rant.

"I'm afraid of elves! They scare me! Their ears are so pointy!"

"I've never legally changed my name! I'll be buried as Ethelton Abernathy! Such a cruel world! Why me?! Why?!"

"I think my pants are getting tighter! I'm getting fatter by the second! Ah! It's too late! I'm turning into Santa!"

"I'm having heartburn! I'm about to explode! Run if you don't want Haymitch guts on you!"

"BOYS!" Mrs. Everdeen yelled so loud that it finally got their attention.

"I don't want Haymitch to blow up." Peeta said pathetically.

"You both are going to be fine the jello is not going to jello in your stomachs because you are warm and not cold, like a refrigerator."

"Oh." Peeta said.

"What about my heartburn?"Haymitch questioned uncertainly.

"It's just regular heartburn, you are not going to explode and it's not the jello and Peeta you're not going to turn into Santa Claus."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am certain." She said annoyed.

"I'm going to live!"

"I'm not going to turn into Santa!" Were their joyous cries.

Both of them said this with tears of joy in their eyes. They both hugged Mrs. Everdeen so tight that she could barely breathe.

"Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Mrs. Everdeen!" Peeta said happily.

"Thanks," was the extent of Haymitch's gratitude.

"You're welcome boys, but now I need to get back to work. To think my daughter spends so much time with them. They're crazy. What is the world coming to?" She said under her breath as she walked away.

"I feel dumb." Peeta said with embarrassment to Haymitch.

"I feel dumber." Haymitch replied.

Both were silent for a few minutes.

"You want to get some more jello?" Peeta said in a better mood.

"Sure!"

Please Review or Peeta and Haymitch will rant hysterically about jello forever!


	4. Titanic 22

Sorry this took so long. I do not own Hunger Games, Titanic, or WALL-E. Thanks for all of the reviews! The guest star today is: Everyone who survived Mockingjay!

Part 4: Titanic 22

Peeta was crying on Haymitch's shoulder as they watched the end of Titanic. There was nothing on TV so they were stuck with watching it. Still Haymitch didn't expect such a disturbing reaction from Peeta.

"Come on Peeta, it's just a movie."

"Based off of a true story! And she let go! Just like Katniss would! It's so sad! This my fate!"

"Toughen up and be a man Peeta!"

"Well said for the so-called man who cried when the girl who looked like Effie drowned!" Peeta replied with sarcasm.

Haymitch snorted crankily.

"I bet I could make a Titanic a million times better than James Cameron."

"You make a movie?" Peeta said with confusion.

"Peeta I had a dream. When I was a kid I wanted to be a snotty, obnoxious, and filthy, stinking, rich movie director. My mother told me that I was going to be a coal miner and that's all I was ever going to be. So go start mining! That's what she told me. Well I proved her wrong! I became a drunk!"

"Your poor mother." Peeta said with sympathy.

"Well that gives me an idea Peeta, a brilliant idea!" Haymitch ran for the door and disappeared leaving Peeta bewildered and confused.

The next morning Peeta woke up to the sound of a ships horn. He ran outside to find Haymitch with a cruise ship in the front yard.

"Haymitch, where did the ship come from?" Peeta said rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

"I bought a cruise ship!" Haymitch proudly replied.

"You have no money, Haymitch."

"I borrowed a cruise ship and filming equipment!"

Behind Haymitch was a pile of extremely expense filming equipment. On the other side stood Katniss, Johanna, Gale, Effie, Mrs. Everdeen, Annie, Greasy Sae, and Katniss prep team. Haymitch pointed to them with excitement.

"These deadbeats and Effie are going to be your cast mates."

"What?!" The confused Peeta said.

"This deadbeat is going to make you dead if you say that again Haymitch!" Johanna snarled.

"Well I really don't care. So here's whats going on here. I am filming the greatest masterpiece of cinema history, It will be called Titanic 22!"

That's when Beetee came running as fast as he could towards them.

"Spock! Spock! Where are you! Take me with you."

Beetee looked at everyone dismayed. "Haymitch lied to me didn't he?"

Everyone nodded. Beetee glared at Haymitch and sulked away.

"Haymitch, the ship sunk and your missing 20 other sequels. It's impossible to make another." Katniss said with disgust

"I am Haymitch Abernathy! I can do anything, but be sober for more than a day! Now Katniss if you would read the script this is about an alien sent to prevent the Titanic from sinking and to retrieve the Mockingjay of the Sea but then falls in love duh."

"Why 22?" Annie asked.

"Because it sounds so awesome!" Haymitch replied hyperly.

"This is madness Haymitch!" Gale said.

"Well if anyone decides not to participate in my movie, I will stalk them for the rest of their lives."

"We're in." Everyone said in terrified unison.

"Alright so I'm going to give everyone their parts." Haymitch said with an all too evil smile. (Everyone groans in fear)

"Katniss! You are going to be the lovely, beautiful Rose Everdeen."

"Haymitch I HATE roses!" She screamed.

"And I care because? So where was I oh yes, you are Rose, who is being forced to marry the rich and handsome but total jerk Cal. Who will be played by Gale."

"What! I don't want to be evil!" (Peeta snickers in the background)

"You actually are going to be two characters. The real Cal gets thrown overboard and replaced by an alien who looks like Cal, but whose job was to find the rare golden necklace, the Mockingjay of the Sea, but then falls in love with the beautiful Rose!"

"Burn!" Gale said with a grin to a disappointed Peeta.

"Peeta you are going to be the broke, deadbeat artist, Jack that falls in love with Rose."

"Do I get to live in the end of this movie?"

"No you freeze to death or get stabbed by the alien queen. I'm still deciding." Haymitch said with a smile.

"Life is so unfair!" Peeta said with as much drama as possible.

"Perfect! Save that for filming! Now Annie you are going to be a random hysterical person, Effie is Molly Brown, Mrs. Everdeen you are to be Katniss's mother, who is also a vampire. The prep team will be the band, Greasy Sae is the present day Rose, Beetee you are going to be the special effects/camera man and Johanna you get to be the iceberg. So that means you get to send thousands of people to their icy deaths." Haymitch handed her an ax as he said that.

"Cool, I can handle that." She said with a michievious smile.

"And I shall be the ship captain/treasure hunter, producer, screenwriter, and most important of all your amazing director! So let the filming begin!

"Alright everyone, action!" Haymitch shouted with excitement. Haymitch walked onto the deck of the boat dressed like a treasure hunter.

"The wreck of the Titanic is directly below me, WALL-E!" A cute little robot rolls onto the deck.

"Hey! That's my WALL-E prototype!"Betee shouted.

"Shut up! You're ruining the scene, alright WALL-E get down there and find me the necklace." Haymitch continued.

The robot looked nervously into the dark green-blue water.

"WALL-E." it said.

"Yeah, get in there WALL-E!"

Haymitch promptly kicked the robot overboard. "WAAAAAAL-EEEE!" It shouted as it fell into the ocean.

"The Mockingjay of the Sea will be mine." Haymitch said with a mischievous smile.

WALL-E came back on board with a picture of a girl, who was wearing a dress that was on fire. She was wearing the Mockingjay of the Sea necklace.

"This is it!" I need to find who this girl is! To the internet!" Haymitch grabbed a laptop and pretended to search online.

"It's a blog called "My Grandma survived the Titanic and wore the Mockingjay of the Sea. Wow why didn't I find this earlier!"

The next scene showed Greasy Sae watching TV when the treasure hunter, Haymitch, broke open the door and ran into the room frantically.

"Hey old lady!"

"You get out! Now!" She screamed while hitting him with her cane.

"Ow! Ouch! Ow! Stop I-I just w-want Ow! To know where the Mockingjay of the Sea is!"

She stopped hitting him and laughed.

"Why didn't you just say so?"

"You were to busy hitting my brains out with a cane!"

"You should learn to knock young man, if you want to know where the pin is you must first listen to my story."

"Ok, that doesn't sound so bad."

"Oh, and to warn you its a mushy love story."

"Noooooooooo!" Haymitch screamed but she ignored him.

"It all began when I met Jack."

"Cut!" Haymitch shouted. "That was perfect."

The next scene was filmed on the deck of the cruise ship."Ok Gale all you need to do is act like a jerk. Actually just act like you did during Mockingjay." Haymitch told Gale.

"I can do that." Gale replied with a sly smile. Then Katniss, Gale, and Mrs. Everdeen walked onto the deck wearing Titanic era costumes.

"Action!" Haymitch shouted and the scene began.

"Oh, Rose you are the most beautiful girl in the world and now I'm taking you on the greatest ship in the world."

Gale took Katniss in his arms and kissed her. Peeta who was watching and waiting for his scene instantly reacted.

"Hey! She's my girl! Gale I'm going to kill you!" Peeta screamed as he jumped onto the deck.

"Cool it Cal." Katniss said trying to save the scene but it was already ruined.

"She's mine Gale! So get over it! You've been jealous ever since she chose me at the end of Mockingjay!"

"You know what bothers me Rose?" Gale said with a sly smile on his face.

"What Cal?"

"Annoying artists from the third class who think they are so amazing but actually they are obnoxious; and don't even get me started on bakers. All they care about is bread, bread, bread! Just don't combine the two or you'll get the most annoying person on the face of the earth!"

"That's IT! You crossed the line Gale! Never EVER mess with my bread!"

Peeta pushed Gale overboard.

"Hi I'm Jack and this is crazy but here is my number so can I call you maybe?"

"Cut!"

Everyone looked at Haymitch nervously. They had just ruined his scene.

"That was perfect! I couldn't have written it any better!" Haymitch said.

After a few poorly written and uneventful scenes with the other characters the next scene with Jack and Rose came up. This was the famous flying scene and Haymitch couldn't wait to film it.

"Alright everyone action."

Peeta picked up Katniss just like in the scene in original movie.

"I'm flying Jack! I'm flying!"

"You know your actually kind heavy. I'm going down! I'm falling! I'm falling!"

Peeta slipped and dropped Katniss overboard.

"Peeta I'm going to kill you!" She screamed as she fell.

"You're the Mockingjay aren't you supposed to fly?"

"Peeta!"

"Does that me your breaking up with me? It was just an accident."

They got the soaked Katniss back on board and continued filming.

"Are you ok Rose?" Peeta said nervously.

She walked over to him with an overly sweet smile.

"I'm fine Jack." She promptly pushed him overboard.

The rest of Haymitch's film included Cal returning as an alien, Mrs. Everdeen hiding from the sun, Johanna as an alien queen commanding Gale to retrieve the Mockingjay of the Sea, Peeta drew the picture of Katniss wearing the dress that was on fire and now it was time for the ship to sink.

"Alright Johanna, Ready to sink the ship!"

"Oh yeah! I was born for this role." There was a loud screech.

"Johanna that was amazing!" Gale commented.

The scene that followed was a overdramatic Effie as Molly, and the prep team started playing violins terribly.

Jack was holding Rose's hands as she floated on a piece of drift wood.

"Hey can you guys stop playing I'm trying to die here and its hard to concentrate when all I can hear is screeching!"

"Jack don't leave me. I'll never let go!" Katniss said.

"Don't let go! I can't swim and I'm afraid of water!" Peeta franticly replied.

"Peeta I need to let go! That's how the scene ends.

"NO! Don't! I'm afraid of water!" Peeta cried out in fear.

Peeta then proceeded to scramble onto the board.

"Jack your supposed to freeze now! So get back into the water and die or we'll both freeze!"

"NO I refuse to die!

"Go in the water and die already! I want this stupid mushy movie to end!"

"But its cold!"

That's when the ship actually started to sink.

"Johanna is the ship actually sinking or is that really good special effects?" Gale asked.

"Oh its sinking."

"What!" Haymitch screamed.

"You said make it convincing so I had us run into two icebergs."

"We have lifeboats right?" Beetee said.

"Uh, only one." Haymitch said.

"I'm going to freeze to death out here! I told you this would be my fate Haymitch!" Peeta screamed.

"Everyone stay calm and... Every man for himself! Forget about the women and children!" Haymitch said as grabbed the film equipment and ran to the only life boat.

"Follow him if you want to live!" Johanna shouted.

Somehow the group all stuffed themselves into the small boat, but there was not enough room for one thing, Haymitch's expensive film equipment.

"NO! NO! Don't throw my greatest life achievement overboard! Haymitch shouted as Katniss and Johanna threw all the equipment into the sea.

" I guess that's the end of that." Gale said.

" Hey I just realized something," Peeta said.

"Just like in the original movie the fate is the same for the Mockingjay of the Sea."

Haymitch stopped sobbing and smiled happily. " I have another idea! Let's film another E.T.!"

Please Review or Haymitch will continue to make stupid remakes of the most beloved films of all time!


	5. The King of Pop

Authors Note: Hey everyone, Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry I took so long to post. I don't own Hunger Games, My Little Ponies Friendship is Magic, Coke, Mountain Dew, or Pepsi. Today's guest star is (drum roll please) Finnick Odair!

Part 5: The King of Pop

The season finale of My Little Ponies Friendship is Magic had just ended. Peeta turned off the television.

"That was the best episode yet!" Peeta commented quite happily.

"I can agree with that!" Haymitch replied.

"Hey do you want something to drink? And I mean some pop, Haymitch."

"Well, I guess. If that's all your going to get me." Haymitch said with a frown.

"I'll be right back."

Peeta came back holding two bright red cans of Coke. Haymitch jumped from the couch and screamed like a little girl at the top of his lungs.

"Is that Coke?!" He squealed.

"Uh, Yeah. It's the best soft drink in the whole world!" Peeta said with a laugh.

"This is no laughing matter Peeta! Do you realize that you just brought me a can of Coke?!"

Peeta paused and then became excited. "Then that makes you a Pepsi person!"

"Pepsi is the only soft drink for me. Get that filthy mud water out of my sight!"

"Mud water! And this comes from the guy that thinks liquor is a separate food group!"

"And to think I thought of you as the sweet bread baking son I never had!"

"And to think I thought of you as the crazy uncle my family was glad I didn't have!"

Haymitch proceeded to grab the can of coke from Peeta and placing it on the floor smashed it with as much force as possible. Coke sprayed everywhere. Peeta looked horrified.

"Well if that's what you think of Coke then I'll show you what I think of Pepsi!"

Peeta raced outside toward Haymitch's house to find some Pepsi. He came back in a minute with a can of Pepsi. He shook it vigorously.

"Peeta! Don't you dare!"Haymitch screamed right before Peeta opened the can and a spray of Pepsi drenched his face.

"Ha, Coke the king of soft drinks rules again!" Peeta cried triumphantly.

"Well if that's how you are going to treat me and my soft drinks then get out of my house!" Haymitch shouted.

"Uh Haymitch, This is my house."

"Oh!" Haymitch ran through the door and slammed it behind him.

"That's a closet! See that's proof that Pepsi dulls your mind!"

"I meant to do that!" Haymitch shouted as he left the closet and slammed the door that led outside. Peeta followed him out laughing hysterically. Both stopped short in their tracks. Right in front of them was standing Finnick Odair.

"Finnick! You're so supposed to be dead!" Peeta said with confusion.

"Thanks for the warm greeting guys." Finnick said sarcastically.

"So you see him too. Yes! That means I'm not crazy!" Haymitch said relieved.

"Haymitch what if we're both crazy?" Peeta replied.

"I didn't think of that. Peeta why do you have to be so smart?! Stop being smart!"

"So Finnick, its good to see you all ghost like and stuff." Peeta said ignoring Haymitch.

"Why are you haunting us?! Cuz it'd be more funnier if you haunted Johanna! Really!"

"Haymitch! You're making it worse!" Peeta shouted.

"Well first of all I'm trying to ignore the fact that Haymitch is wearing a I heart Pinkie Pie t-shirt. Secondly, I'm here to solve your soft drink dilemma. You know because I'm so awesome and great at this kind of stuff."

"Good! Tell Haymitch that Coke's the best!"

"No Finnick! Don't join his side! The Pepsi side is much cooler."

"My side has cookies!" Peeta chimed in.

"Guys-" Finnick tried to interrupt.

"They're chocolate chip." Peeta said.

"Stop! Alright you two first of all we need to solve this disagreement like men. So-"

"We should duel to the death at high noon! Great idea Finnick!" Peeta said hyperly.

"Peeta it's one forty-five." Haymitch said dryly.

"Alright Then we'll duel at two o'clock."

"You know what! I challenge you right now!" Haymitch shouted.

"Guys this isn't what I meant."

"Alright you're on!" Peeta said eagerly.

Armed with cans of Coke and Pepsi and with western music playing in the background Peeta and Haymitch were ready for a duel. Both shook their cans of soda vigorously and intently. Finnick watched trying hard to keep a straight face. Then with a snap of cans opening it began. There was a mist of brown sugar-water that covered everything in sight.

"Ready to surrender Pepsi lover!"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing person who drinks Coke!" Haymitch shouted. Within ten minutes both were out of pop and completely soaked. Finnick was laughing hysterically at the ridiculous sight. Haymitch and Peeta were covered in sticky pop. Haymitch rubbed the Coke off of his face. He looked over at Peeta who was doing the same.

"I guess it's a tie." Peeta said as he pushed his now brown Pepsi soaked hair, that use to be blond, out of his face.

"It can't be!" Haymitch shouted.

Another battle was about to begin when they were interrupted by the click of a can of pop opening. Both looked to Finnick. He had a big smile on his face as he held a can of Mountain Dew.

"Ah, Now boys, this is the king of all pop."

Please Review or Haymitch and Peeta will fight another battle over the last can of Mountain Dew!


	6. The Random Christmas Conversation

Merry Christmas Everyone! Thanks for all of the reviews! So here is my Christmas special for Haymitch and Peeta. I hope you enjoy. I don't own The Hunger Games, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, The Christmas Carol, or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Today's guest star is: Ms. Johanna Mason!

Chapter 6: The Random Christmas Conversation

Peeta and Haymitch trudged down the snow-covered roads of District 12. Each were carrying overflowing bags of Christmas decorations that they had recently bought at the store. Haymitch was singing at the top of his lungs,

"_Ooh! Jingle smells, Jingle smells, Stinky all the way!"_

_"It's no fun to sit next to a guy who had too many burritos on an overcrowded flight to LA! Yuck!"_

_"Jingle smells, Jingle smells, Stinky all the way!"_

_"It's no fun to sit next to a guy who had too many burritos on an overcrowded flight to LA!"_

"Haymitch can't you sing a _real_ Christmas carol?" Peeta pleaded.

"But Peeta that is a real Christmas carol and anyway I deserve to enjoy myself after you dragged me through the horror of Christmas shopping."

"It wasn't that bad. I mean at least I didn't squeal like a little girl when I saw that mistletoe was buy one get one free." Peeta said with a proud smile.

"Hey it was a good deal and didn't you buy a ton of it too?"

"Only a fifty dollars worth of mistletoe and that's not a ton. It's just a lot."

"Peeta why did you buy all these Christmas lights anyway?"

"I want my house so covered in lights that it will bring joy to all of District 12 and most importantly so that Santa will never miss it on Christmas."

"Peeta you have nothing to worry about. The one time you were naughty it was when you burned that bread for Katniss and in the end that was being nice. Have you ever been naughty? Ever?" Haymitch asked with sarcasm.

Peeta paused before answering, "Nope. What about you? Have you ever been on the nice list Haymitch?"

"No It's been a record for the past 43 years and I'm not planning on breaking it."

They had just walked into victor's village when Haymitch said this with a smile.

"Well I better get started." Peeta said as he opened a box of lights.

"I better get my sunglasses." Haymitch replied.

By sunset the light display was only half way done. Peeta was on his roof untangling a stand of lights when Haymitch walked over.

"Peeta look out! Behind you! It's-it's the Grinch!"

"Where! What! Where!" Peeta yelled. Then stepping back he tangled his foot in the lights and fell off the roof into a snow drift.

"Haymitch! What was that for!"

"I wanted to see your reaction and it proved satisfactory." Haymitch replied calmly as he sipped some eggnog.

"It's no wonder you are always on the naughty list." Peeta grumbled as he got up and brushed snow off of his coat.

"Oh come on Peeta aren't you taking this light thing a little too seriously?"

"No Haymitch I'm not. Do you realize how hard it is to put lights on a house. It takes time, dedication and- HAYMITCH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Showing you that Christmas lights aren't that hard to put up." Haymitch said this as he grabbed a strand of lights and started towards his house.

It was about ten o'clock and the two had competed all night to create the best light display in all of Panem. Haymitch smiled at his sloppy work, thinking he had outdone Peeta. Peeta just laughed at it.

"Haymitch turn around and look at real awesomeness." Peeta said with a smirk on his face.

Haymitch glared at the beautiful artistic light display that was Peeta's house.

"Its not that amazing."

"WHAT! Of course it is!"

"Uh oh Peeta your pouting."

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah you are and now you're on Santa's naughty list!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh come on Peeta don't be such a-"

"You ruined my Christmas!" Peeta cried out in agony.

"Are you two idiots fighting over Christmas lights?!" Johanna interrupted dryly.

"Johanna!" The two exclaimed in unison.

"Who were you expecting the Grinch?" She replied sarcastically.

"Is there any difference?" Haymitch replied with a laugh.

"Seriously you two are pathetic, fighting over lights. I honestly don't understand all the fuss over Christmas!"

"But Johanna it's the season of family, goodwill and-"

"Blah! Blah! Blah! I've heard this all before Mellark."

"So what are you doing here anyway, besides destroying the Christmas spirit?" Peeta said with a frown.

"Katniss invited me to go hunting for a Christmas turkey or something like that. I was bored so I decided to go, but maybe if I'm lucky we'll see Rudolf and BANG! We'll have reindeer for Christmas dinner!"

"What! Johanna how could you! Now both you and Haymitch are destroying Christmas!"

"This is why Christmas drives me nuts." Johanna said under her breath, than she turned and walked away.

"That Johanna is such a Grinch." Peeta said with a glare.

"This reminds me of a song, Peeta!"

"No not another one!"

"Wait just listen,(to the tune of Mr. Grinch)"

"_You're a mean one Miss Johanna!"_

_"You really terrify me."_

_"Your as cuddly as a mutt and as charming as president snow, Miss Jooohanna!"_

_"I wouldn't poke you if Peeta dared me twenty-one and a half times!"_ Haymitch finished his song quite happily.

"I hope she didn't hear you sing that." Peeta said quite amused.

Johanna turned and shook her fist at them as she walked towards Katniss's house.

"She heard me." Haymitch said with a pale face.

"Well it was nice knowing you Haymitch." Peeta said.

"But Peeta-"

"Wait I have an amazing idea, I'll get Johanna is the Christmas spirit and then Santa will have to put me back on the good list!" Peeta exclaimed.

"I guess that might work."

"It has to! But how will I get her in the Christmas spirit?"

"Well Effie once dragged me to this play about this really cool guy named Scrooge. He had everything, wealth, power, money and then he got scared by these ghosts and was happy and broke the end."

"Haymitch I think you just totally missed the point of the "Christmas Carol" but that is a good idea though. I think tonight Johanna will be visited by some very ghostly friends."

That night Johanna was watching TV when a ghost walked in. He was dressed to look like Finnick.

"Jooohanna! I am the ghost of your long time friend and fellow victor Finnick! I am here to show you how amazing Christmas is and uh-"

"Haymitch Abernaithy! Get out of my house! And come on do you think I'm blind or something you look nothing like Finnick!"

"But I need to tell you that three ghosts will be haunting you and-"

"GET OUT NOW!" Johanna grabbed her ax and chased him out of her house. Haymitch ran outside as fast as he could.

"I told you I should have been Finnick!" Peeta yelled as he chased after them.

The group finally stopped at the end of Johanna's driveway.

"Honestly you two! What were you thinking?!"

"We were just trying to get you into the Christmas spirit, so you would be happy." Peeta said pathetically.

"Well you want to know why I have no Christmas spirit! Why I'm not happy because I have no family NO one to spend Christmas with, do you see how many Christmas cards I have? NONE! That's why I don't like Christmas!" She stormed away leaving both of them completely silent.

"Poor Johanna." Peeta said at last.

"Well I'm bored. Lets get some eggnog." Haymitch replied losing all interest.

"You have no sympathy Haymitch, wow look at the time! We're going to be late! We need to get home to turn on the light display!"

Peeta smiled as he held the plug to his light display he was about to plug it in.

"Come on Peeta get this over with." Katniss said quite irritated.

"Ok! I present to you Peeta's Christmas light extravaganza!" He quickly plugged it in and the whole house came to life with thousands of dazzling lights.

"Wow, It's beautiful!" Katniss said amazed, but then the lights flickered and everything went black. All the lights in district 12 were out.

"Peeta!" Katniss screamed.

"But I had it planned perfect what happened?"

"I have no idea." Haymitch said completely bored again.

"Haymitch!" Peeta yelled.

"What?!"

"What is this cord here?"

"The cord to my lights."

"Haymitch you blew the circuit."

"Oh, my bad. Now who wants some eggnog!"

"Enough with the eggnog Haymitch!" Katniss snapped.

"My lights I worked so hard on them!" Peeta wailed.

"Well Peeta it was amazing while it lasted, but it was a miserable failure."

"No I'm not letting this Christmas be a failure." Peeta said resolutely.

"What do you mean Peeta?" Katniss asked.

"I have a great idea! We're going to give an old friend the best Christmas ever!"

Johanna was bored as ever this Christmas. That's when she heard a knock on the door.

"Who could-oh no not Haymitch and Peeta!"

She went to the door and opened it. There was Katniss, Haymitch and Peeta.

"Merry Christmas Johanna!"

"I brought cookies!" Peeta said with a smile.

"I brought a turkey." Katniss said.

"I brought eggnog." Haymitch chimed in.

"You know you have to share that Haymitch." Peeta said.

"What! You expect me to share?! You're crazy Peeta!"

"Whats going on here?" The confused Johanna replied.

"No one should spend Christmas alone." Peeta said.

"So we're here to spend Christmas with you." Katniss said.

"Uh I was bored and they promised me turkey if I came." Haymitch said with a slight smile.

"Wow guys this is-uh great." Johanna was still in complete shock, "I guess there's nothing else to say except, Merry Christmas! Oh and who wants some reindeer on a stick?"

"No not Rudolph! I think I'm going to faint! " Peeta said going pale.

"Just kidding! Come inside guys."

"Look Peeta! Santa was here!" Haymitch said in disbelief, "Hey all I got was coal!"

"This is the best Christmas ever!" Peeta said with a smile.


	7. Deleted Scenes

Sorry, I haven't updated in a while. Hopefully I'll be able to update every other week now. Thanks for being so patient. Our guest star today is…Katniss Everdeen!

Part 7: Deleted Scenes

Rain was pounding on the roof when Peeta walked into Haymitch's house in victor's village. Peeta hadn't seen Haymitch in a week and was curious as to what he was doing. He found Haymitch in his usual place eating potato chips on the couch in front of the TV.

"What's up Haymitch?"

"Shh, you're going to ruin the best part!"

"Haymitch what are you watching?" Peeta said as he peered at the TV screen.

"Sh!"

Peeta sat down quite puzzled at what Haymitch was watching. Then he immediately became embarrassed, he knew what they were watching. It was a video of Peeta practicing for his first interview in the first hunger games that he competed in and this is what they watched.

_Haymitch walked into the room._

"_So what do you want to say?"_

"_How about you give me the microphone and I'll practice," Peeta replied._

_Haymitch handed him the microphone._

_Peeta smiled and said in the deepest voice that he could possibly muster, "I'm Batman!"_

_Haymitch raised his eyebrows in surprise but Peeta continued._

"_I've always wanted to do that! Wait I got another one. Katniss-uh I mean Kat-woman I love you."_

"_I'll let you work on it." Haymitch left the room and when he returned he found Peeta singing, "Prim had a little goat, Little goat, Little goat, Prim had a little goat, Whose milk was white as snow!"_

_Haymitch smiled and stood there quietly as Peeta pretending to be elvis._

"_Thank you, thank you, thank you very much, I'll all be here all week or at least until they kill me off in the hunger games. Oh and Katwoman I still love you baby."_

"_You ready? Your interview is in an hour."_

_Peeta held up the microphone with a big smile on his face, "Do I get to keep the microphone?"_

_Uh yeah"_

"_I'm ready!"_

The next video flashed to Johanna and Finnick. _They were sitting around a campfire, Finnick was playing a ukulele horribly and singing, "Oh Johanna now don't you cry for me! I went to the hunger games with a trident on my knee!"_

_Johanna giggled like a little girl, "Do it again Finnick do it again!" Then she saw that Haymitch had been filming her. Her face went dark. "Haymitch Abernathy!" She screamed as she ran toward him. The camera went black. _

"And that's how I got this scar, but it was worth it." Haymitch said with a smile. Peeta was in shock.

"Do you actually have an embarrassing deleted scene on everyone?"

"Yep"

Peeta was about to protest when Haymitch said, "You know Gale is next."

Peeta was silent, he couldn't resist watching.

_Gale was pacing nervously outside of Katniss's home in the Seam. Prim's goat, Lady was staring at him._

"_I just need to tell her, I need to." Gale said to himself. He looked at the goat. "Maybe I should practice. Ok Lady, now you be Katniss. I just need to tell her that I love her. That's not so hard, right?"_

_The goat stared at him with gentle brown eyes. He took a deep breath, "Ok, here it goes. Katniss I've loved you since we first met and you're the most beautiful girl in district 12 and-," the goat licked him._

"_You think she's going to kiss me!" Gale said in delight. The goat pricked its ears forward. _

"_Gale, are you talking to Prim's goat?" Katniss said in a confused voice from behind him._

_Gale spun around to face her. "Uh no! What would make you think that?!"_

"_I saw you Gale."_

_Gale's face turned crimson. "I should have practiced with Buttercup."_

Both Peeta and Haymitch burst out laughing. "Haymitch I can't believe this!"

Haymitch smiled mischievously, "Wait till you see the next one." The next scene flashed on the TV screen.

_There was President Coin in her office in District 13. A meeting on the rebellion had just ended and the president waited until everyone had left the room. Her face was emotionless until the last person had left the room. As soon as the door clicked shut she opened the top door of her desk and pulled out a framed picture. It was a picture of a much younger Alma Coin and young man, who looked like Snow. She smiled at it bitterly. "You broke my heart three days before prom in high school! So now I'm going to destroy your country Coriolanus Snow! Ha! This will be the ultimate revenge! And now you'll realize that the worst decision you ever made in your life was breaking up with me!"_ She laughed hysterically for a few minutes and the video stopped.

"Ok, I think I'm scarred for life." Peeta said with wide eyes.

Haymitch laughed hysterically, "I'm just glad I never do anything embarrassing."

It was Peeta's turn to laugh, "Haymitch you're always embarrassing yourself."

Haymitch smiled smugly, "Prove it!"

"Oh, I can prove that." Katniss said with a smile as she walked in.

"Where'd you come from?" Haymitch said nervously.

"I was looking for Peeta."

"Oh."

Katniss smiled mischievously. "I just happened to hear your conversation and I have the perfect video." Katniss put a DVD in. Peeta was on the edge of his seat waiting in anticipation wondering what the video was. Then Haymitch flashed on the screen.

_He was sound asleep on the couch in the middle of one of the rooms in District 12's part of the training he started yelling this in his sleep._

"_Effie I love you!" he cried in his sleep. "I'll die my hair pink to match yours if you will marry me! Ok so its magenta! I'll die my hair magenta! Effie please say yes!" _

Katniss took the remote and turned off the TV. Both her and Peeta couldn't stop laughing. Haymitch pouted.

"That's not fair, you two."

"Hey I'd rather be Batman then have magenta hair any day!" Peeta said with a grin.

Please review or Haymitch will dye his hair pink!


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